The right to insult and undermine?

It's funny how we naturally want to see the best in the people around us, listen and care, and be open to all the sorts of ways, that they want to lead their lives.

But then when it comes to ourselves? We're (naturally?) so damn mean.

I really believe that everyone should have that sort of healthy love for themselves. Which also means, that we can criticize, and e.g. say, hey - that doesn't seem to be the right way to do it, next time - let's try that. Or now I really sucked at that. But it's okay, I can either put time and effort to become better, or I can just put more time and effort into the other things I'm doing.

And it also means that, hey - this, I did good. And when the undermining urge comes, I'll think, I can do it better, but I can still say, I've worked hard, and I should be proud of myself.

Why is it so easy to insult ourselves? When I look at others, I see their beauty as the individual they are. How they treat other people, how they think, how they smile, laugh, talk, sleep. Shit, that wasn't supposed to be there. But when reflecting on myself, I just tend to find the negative. The reoccurring moments, when I see myself as a two-dimensional being, going through criteria that I just come up with, finding those that I don't meet. My nose is too big, my body is the wrong shape, I'm not smart enough, funny enough.. Blablabla... 

It's so easy to be the first ones to say what's wrong about myself, informing everybody else that I know, don't you worry about me thinking I'm smart, funny or beautiful, because I don't. And that's my shelter. Simultaneously restricting me from doing certain things, just so nobody would think that I think I'm good. And if they would say the opposite - I'll be the first one to assure them I don't agree. Showing I know my place. Which I've created, to protect me. But from what?


Who am I to have the right to undermine and even insult? Even myself? Especially myself?

Because if I think that about myself, why wouldn't I think that about somebody else? If somebody actually are tough enough to break free from the chains that this modern-western-society-induced voice of theirs has been yelling. If they can stop insulting themselves, maybe even doing the opposite. What do I think? Do I think they're full of themselves? Well, I certainly don't want to do that. 

So how about just start by giving a hard punch to this voice. And focus on what really matters. Doing things we know to be good. Putting time and energy into creation. In whichever form possible and meaningful. And continue, to give that voice a punch, every morning. And as a bonus, every evening.
We are the worst tyrants of our bodies, and our bodies are the worst tyrants of us. Let's stop.

And now, as a celebration of the National Tea Day in Finland, my "recipe" for today is to boil some water, put your favourite tea in a mug, and pour the water over it. Yeeeyy. Totally suitable for the text.


  1. I've also thought about WHY we start doing that. There's a clear shift from being a child to a teenager I've found - if you tell a child they're smart, beautiful or clever they'll say thank you. When you tell a teenager the same thing the answer more often than not is "nooo, stop, I'm not". Why does that shift happen? Why do we get so insecure at the time we start developing more? Sometimes I wonder if these things were easier to fix if we understood the root cause for why it happens. I could write even more on this, maybe I should just continue in a blog post of my own :D but it's an important subject for sure! Glad you wrote about it.

    1. That's exactly what I also thought - as a child, you never think that of yourself! And yes please write, I really want to read about your thoughts!!!

      And thank you<3 this is something so extremely important, that creates so many really concrete obstacles in our lives, which is so sad, because it doesn't do good to anyone.


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