Is this relationship really good for us? Eating how what when? What would be truly meaningful to do? Are the benefits of waking the same time worth the struggle? Is this a good time to meditate? What are my real values? Should I write, run or scream?
Making decisions is difficult. Situations change, and affect what feels like the right choice. But dilemmas are energy-consuming. It doesn't matter if it's about something really small or really big, they are still annoying, and sometimes even life-changing. I've noticed that I usually just let trying to be honest about it + time work their magic, and then deal with it when it is needed. And of course at some point in time, something will happen, but I think there are better methods...
Yesterday I talked about something I've been contemplating on for a while. It was horrible and eye-opening. But it made the colors in my life a bit different, it made them more alive, it somehow woke me up. And then today, the spring-sun was shining, and we went for a walk. When back, I had this instant need to clean the apartment, get rid of what we don't need, and then do some decision-making. Mainly about values and how they affect other stuff.
And talking about values, it's not that easy. Because I have these values I think are my values. But then this ideology clashes with the part of me actually living my life, and making the daily decision. So, I remembered having talked with a friend about values, and that she'd read that Mark Manson had written that values should be evidence-based, constructive and controllable. I went and listened to his thoughts. Reread some parts, and just tried to process the words. It gave some iteration power to earlier thoughts, some fresh air in the room and somehow simultaneously some space to stop for a moment and acknowledge what's now.
And now I have the rest of my life to continue trying to strengthen what I feel is important.