escapism or real life?

What is it that makes you completely forget about this world? Forget about what you need to do and where you have to be later?

I didn't even remember myself, until I had brought this pile of library books home and started with one of the books. It ended up with me spending four consecutive days basically ignoring everything around me, just staying in bed immersing myself these stories. And sadly I don't even remember when this would have happened last time... It must have been years ago when I could spend a real summer vacation in my childhood home, without working. 

When life becomes full of responsibilities and internal expectations, something happens to you. You need to be on high alert, ready to deal with the next thing. And it's really exhausting, but still too easy to go overboard. Which happened to me once again. I met with new pressures, and didn't know how to handle them. I was caught by some sort of survival mode, and they just squeezed the shit out of me. I didn't connect enough with myself. I allowed the animal I am, to loose to the person I would want to become. Forgetting that I don't just want to become, I want to be the person I am, and I need to nurture that as well.

The good thing is that you don't loose yourself. You're always somewhere there. The inherent joy for living life is always somewhere there, even though you've forgot about it. You just need to find your way back. I know that this hasn't happened by mistake. I've also been telling myself, that It's not important to take care of myself. Since there are so many other things that are a million times more important. I mean we are faced my a multitude of societal and environmental problems. But still, how could I ever do anything about it if I'm just running from one place to the next?

I am an animal and I have animal needs. Sure, I like working with abstract and complex problems, but I can't, if I don't have a sense of security, a sense of myself. The more demanding task, the more important it is that I'm well-rested and both emotionally and physically capable. I think the roots for my strength to balance rest and performance is in my sense of self. With the risk of sounding extremely corny, I think, it's in the moments or places when I feel like my inner child. When life feels warm, safe and somehow clear.

These moments or places are when we escape from real life, while they paradoxically are even more real than the majority of what we would call, life. It's when we're connected with ourselves, when we find the strength to deal with life.